I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't deserve a penis
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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