the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
