Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
