I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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