Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
