new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
