remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
