And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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