we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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