You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
