So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
