Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
