everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
