I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I touched a dick in church today
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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