No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
