tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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