I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
