I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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