Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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