im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
