bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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