even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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