hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
