So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize