I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
