Can i not drive my cunt home
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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