would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
