Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
MIDGETS
????
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
