used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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