get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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