Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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