Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
