I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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