I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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