i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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