recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
