I'm drive I can fine osifer
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
