she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
