That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
