I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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