Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
