the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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