wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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