i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
