Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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