so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
