party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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