I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
