So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
