Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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