Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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