So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
