PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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