in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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