Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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