Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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