I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
