...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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