I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
