Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
