After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
