I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
