life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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