If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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