just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
worst night to have a conscience
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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