so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
