call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
