I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
